THIS IS AN URGENT MESSAGE FROM YOUR G0VERNMENT:

"As you know we are in a GIobal HeaIth CRlSlS...

Therefore we have unilaterally and unanimously passed the following decisions in Parliament:

All tobacco and alcohol stores will be IMMEDIATELY CLOSED as smoking during a pamdenic that attacks the throat and lungs is quite obviously damgerous for everyone's health. AlcohoI lowers the inmune system so has been temporarily banned.

All fastfood outlets such as, but not limited to McDonald's and Burger King will be closed as they do not promote health or adequate nutrition.

Free organic vegetables and fruit will be given to all citizens instead, and foods that are overly processed, contain GM0 ingredients or an excess of sugar will be removed from store shelves.

Supplements of Vitamin D as well as Vitamin C and Zinc will be sent to every door by Royal Mail

We encourage laughter, joy and connecting with your loved ones as it will boost your inmune system as well as deep breathing of clean, unfiltered outside air and going out into nature daily.

We encourage you go to your local park and stand barefoot for 15 minutes a day.

All TV shows and streaming services promoting Horror, suffering and Dystopian scenarios will be stopped until gIobal heaIth is returned as mentaI positivity and focus boosts your inmune system.

You are encouraged to get maximum sunlight and exercise. All employees who can demonstrate they are exercising will receive a 5% pay increase for the next 4 months.

All gyms are compelled to offer 15% off and remain OPEN as science shows physical exercise promotes mental and physical wellbeing.

There will be no fixed penalty notices given by poIice as we understand these are times of financial hardship. PoIice will instead be sent to support small businesses and those in need of assistance.

Large chain stores and superstore corporations will be temporarily halted in order to give small and family businesses a chance to survive these pressing times.

All gas, water and utility bills will be cut by 50% until we are all out of national enmergency status.

Thank you. We love you and together we will all be healthy."

...And that's totally what they said right?

Because they actually do care about your heaIth.

Please wake up and take your heaIth into your own hands. Turn off your TV. This is not about your heaIth or anyone else's. It NEVER was.